NO CONTACT:

The first thing you need to do is to cut off all contact with your ex (the cheater). Any attempts to communicate will likely backfire and lead to even more pain and conflict.  When you first find out you are in shock, hurt and very much confuse it’s not the best time to have any communication with the person that hurt you. Allow some time to go by and gather your thoughts on the situation.

NO DATING (OTHER PEOPLE):

Even though you may be tempted, refrain from jumping back into the dating scene or into another romantic relationship at this time. Right now you are emotionally vulnerable.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO BE UPSET:

After being cheated on, some friends and family may try to discourage you from crying and being upset.  It’s not good to keep things bottled up inside.  When a loved one cheats being angry and crying is a very natural response that can also be extremely therapeutic which in the long run will help you in the healing process.

MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR SITUATION:

In order to have a romantic future and a healthy one you need to make peace with your romantic past.  Nothing you can do will erase what has already happened so it’s best to accept and try to move passed it and start healing from it.

REMEMBER THIS:

You need to remind yourself of the following in order to start the healing process:

• I did nothing wrong (my ex was the one with the dishonesty problem).

• My ex was obviously not the one for me (I’m grateful it was reveal and now I know).

• All men/women are not cheaters (there are a lot of trustworthy men/women)

If your need divorce or family law counsel then schedule a consultation with experienced NC family law attorneys the McIlveen Family Law Firm by calling (704) 865-9011.

The case deals with an unincorporated separation agreement that was entered into by the parents that discussed child support and how the parents were going to pay for the minor children. Since the separation agreement was unincorporated that means that the agreement cannot be enforced by the courts. However, a separation agreement is a contract between the parties and the court is without power to modify except (1) to provide for adequate support for minor children, and (2) with the mutual consent of the parties thereto where rights of third parties have not intervened. Further, where parties to a separation agreement agree upon the amount for the support and maintenance of their minor children, there is a presumption in NC that the amount stated in the agreement is just and reasonable.

In the Pataky case the Plaintiff wanted to modify the child support amount that was agreed upon in the separation agreement. Since there is a presumption that the child support amount given in the separation agreement is just and reasonable the Plaintiff had overcome the presumption. Typically to modify child support one must show a substantial change of circumstances. This standard is used for child support cases that have been determined by the courts. However, since this case was dealing with an unincorporated separation agreement where child support had not been judicially decided upon, the standard changed. The courts found in the case that a party seeking an initial judicial determination of child support where the parties have executed an unincorporated separation agreement need not show changed circumstances between the time of the separation agreement and the hearing, but must instead show the amount of support necessary to meet the reasonable needs of the children at the time of the hearing.

Thus, a party must show that the needs of the children has increased to where more money is needed or that the needs of the children has decreased whereas less money is needed.

I recently made a pasta recipe created by her and I thought I would share it because it is a great meal for a family. The portion size will feed 6-8 people and it is simple amazing!

Ingredients

1 heaping tablespoon sea salt

1 pound imported orecchiette pasta

1 1/2 pounds broccoli rabe, stems cleaned, cut into 1-inch pieces (you can use broccollini too)

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 fillets imported salted anchovies, cleaned

1 teaspoon crushed red pepper

12 ounces Italian sausage, casing removed

1/3 cup coarsely shredded ricotta salata

Directions

Bring a large pot of water to a boil over high heat. Once the water has boiled, add the salt and the pasta, being sure to stir the pasta once added. Set the timer for half of the recommended cooking time. When the time is reached, add the rabe and continue to cook for the remaining recommended time. If al dente is desired, take 2 minutes off the total cooking time.

While the pasta is cooking, heat the olive oil in a large saute pan over medium heat.

Once the oil is shimmering, add the garlic, anchovies and crushed red pepper. Smash with the back of a wooden spoon to make a paste, and cook 1 minute, being sure not to burn the garlic. Add the sausage meat to the pan and break into small pieces. Cover the pan and adjust the heat to medium-low, being sure to stir frequently.

Drain the pasta and rabe, reserving 1 cup of water used to cook the pasta.

Add the pasta and rabe to the pan and cook an additional minute, adding pasta water to the sauce if the pan is dry, 1/4 cup at a time. Turn off the heat and add half of the cheese stirring to incorporate, saving the remaining cheese to add once the pasta has been plated.

Try this recipe tonight! I promise you will not be disappointed!

Historically, English family law gave custody of the children to the father in the case of divorce. In the 1800’s (and before the 1800’s) children were viewed as property and women had very little rights. However, in 1839 The Custody of Infants Act was enacted in England. This act enabled the Judge to use his own discretion in a custody dispute as to whether the child should go to the father or mother. Also, this act shifted custody from men and established a presumption that mothers would get custody of children who were under the age of seven. By the late 1800’s, 1873 to be exact, this presumption of mother’s gaining custody of their young children extended to the age of 16. This doctrine became known as the “tender years doctrine” and spread to the majority of states in the United States. This doctrine reigned supreme for hundreds of years and the basic premise of the doctrine was that in a child’s early years, the child was best cared for by the mother.

In 1977, the tender years doctrine was amended and any presumption in favor of the mother ceased. The standard has now changed to the best interest of the child. There is no longer a presumption that the mother will have custody. Now the Judge looks at what is in the best interest of the child and nowadays, we are seeing a nearly 50/50 split whereby mothers and fathers are both gaining custody. In fact, Judges have worked very diligently to erase the belief that they prefer moms over dads, sometimes going out of their way to show lack of bias.

So, before you start thinking that you have either gained or lost custody based on whether you are a mother or father, you need to understand and comprehend that your sex and your title (as mother or father) will no longer sway a Judge one way or the other (or at least it shouldn’t). All the Judge is interested in is if custody with the mother or father is in the best interest of the child.

By: Anna Gray Carpenter

In North Carolina alimony must be claimed as income on your taxes every year that you receive alimony payments. According to Sections 61(a)(8) and 71(a) of North Carolina’s Tax Code if a wife is divorced or legally separated from her husband under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance, the wife’s gross income must include payments of spousal support. Additionally, a taxpayer must include alimony and separate maintenance payments in gross income. A wife who has not included maintenance payments on her taxes is liable for an addition to tax under Section 6651(a)(1). Section 6651(a)(1) imposes an addition to tax upon a taxpayer who fails to file a timely Federal income tax return, unless the taxpayer demonstrates that the failure to file is due to reasonable cause and not due to willful neglect. Sec. 6651(a)(1); United States v. Boyle, 469 U.S. 241, 245 (1985). This information is extremely important, especially for women whose only income is their alimony payments from their ex-spouse. No one wants to be audited and be potentially liable for tax fraud so following the Tax Code in this situation is of the upmost importance!

However, you and your ex-spouse can come to an agreement where he is not allowed to deduct the alimony payments from his taxes and in turn, you will not be taxed on your alimony payments. Whatever you and your ex-spouse decide it is important to note that you cannot have the benefits of both worlds, that is, your ex-spouse cannot deduct the alimony payments from his taxes and you not claim the payments on your taxes. If he deducts the payments you must claim the payments on your taxes.

Another important thing to note is that property settlement payments do not have to be taxed. So if your payments are by way of a property settlement you do not have to claim them as income on your taxes.

In short, do not forget to file your alimony payments as income on your 2013 taxes!

By: Anna Gray Carpenter

Related articles

• Can a Wife Who Earns More Than the Husband Be Entitled to Alimony in North Carolina? (gastoniafamilylaw.com)
• More women now paying child support & alimony; take note of the tax implications (dontmesswithtaxes.typepad.com)

While in the past, it was not common for women to work outside of their homes and for men to raise the children, more and more women are now entering the workforce. When alimony laws were created many years ago, the majority of women were homemakers, which made them most likely to suffer financial devastation after they get divorced. This issue was addressed by requiring former husbands to continue supporting their estranged wives.

The purpose of alimony is still the same these days as it was decades ago. Former spouses who stay at home to rear children are entitled to petition the court for spousal support payments, to which the court may grant alimony depending on the conditions involved. The alimony may either be temporary or permanent.

The question of many women is: Can a woman who earns more than the former husband still be entitled to alimony? In North Carolina, a former wife who has a current income that is significantly higher than the ex-husband’s income is most likely to be denied spousal support. This is because the purpose of alimony is to support the spouse with lower income in order to maintain the dependent spouse’s standard of living. In general, alimony is not necessary for a former wife who currently enjoys a certain standard of living.

However, it’s not impossible for higher-income women to be granted alimony because the courts consider a variety of factors in awarding spousal support. Such factors include each party’s conduct and standard of living during the marriage, as well as the party’s financial needs after the divorce. It’s important to note that the chances are lower for financially stable parties to get alimony.

On the other hand, earning a higher income than the former husband may cause the former wife to pay alimony. In 2009, ABC News reported that in the U.S., the number of men receiving alimony from their former wives in 2007 was 7,000. In 2008, the number of men receiving spousal support increased to 13,000.

If you’re facing alimony issues, it’s strongly suggested that you consult with an experienced NC divorce lawyer to guide you with your decisions. Contact McIlveen Family Law Firm today at (704) 865-901 to discuss your case.

When using separation as grounds for divorce, the divorcing spouses must have lived separately for one year. This basically means that one spouse has to move out and establish his or her own residence and evidence their intent to be separated. Getting a divorce can be difficult if your spouse refuses to leave the marital home. However, there are several ways around it.

Your spouse may be willing to be separated from you, but may not want to move out from the marital home. In such case, you may consider moving out yourself. You may negotiate a separation agreement with your spouse to address custody, property, and support issues. This agreement, once signed by both parties and duly notarized, becomes a legally binding contract. Obtaining legal help from an experienced divorce attorney will help ensure that your rights are protected before you sign a separation agreement and before you move out from your family home.

If you want to be separated from your spouse but neither of you wish to leave the marital home, you have the option to file for “divorce from bed and board,” which is also referred to as legal separation. Divorce from bed and board allows you to be legally separated from your spouse, even if both of you live under the same roof. This form of divorce can be filed based on fault grounds such as indignities, cruel and barbarous treatment, adultery, and drug and alcohol use. You may also request the court to order your spouse to leave the marital home. Unlike an absolute divorce that completely ends the marriage, divorce from bed and board or legal separation does not legally end the marriage. You will still need to wait for a year after physical separation to file for absolute divorce.

If your spouse exhibits domestic abuse and physical violence within the home, you may request the court to issue a restraining order that typically orders an abusive spouse to move out from a family home. However, your spouse’s removal from your home does not necessarily mean that you are legally separated.

Being separated from your spouse for a year is the only other way to get a divorce in North Carolina aside from being married to a legally insane spouse. Separation is the first step to take towards divorce. If neither you nor your spouse wants to leave the marital home, it’s highly suggested that you consult with an experienced North Carolina family lawyer. Contact McIlveen Family Law Firm at (704) 865-901 today to discuss your case.

1. You can voice your opinions and feelings freely. You will know that your interests, needs, and concerns have been heard and will be taken into account during the settlement.

2. Each party has more control over the outcome because the resolution comes through conversations between the parties with the involvement of each party’s lawyer.

3. You agree to a settlement based on cooperation and compromise between parties instead of a judge’s decision.

4. Collaborative law is generally less expensive than litigation.

5. There is less stress and uncertainty because you play an active role with guided assistance from your lawyer.

6. Although the speed at which an issue is resolved depends on the situation, the collaborative law process is more direct and efficient than regular court proceedings. You are not governed by a busy court schedule.

7. By focusing on overall concerns, rather than specific positions or grievances, there is a greater opportunity to obtain a settlement built on areas of agreement rather than continue the cycle of disagreement.

8. The goal of collaborative law is to keep the issue out of court. Once a couple has accepted a settlement, a legally binding agreement is written. Once the agreement is signed by both parties, the agreement is filed with the court for the judge’s approval. A judge will approve this agreement unless there is an indication of illegal behavior or another legal reason for denial.

9. You know that you and the other party worked together, with the assistance of legal professionals, to find a solution to your issue easier.

10. You never have to go to court.

The collaborative law process provides a structured procedure to work through differences and find a fair solution. The process goes beyond simply addressing legal issues and provides a better outlet to deal with emotional issues. The collaborative law process is a better approach to take especially if you have a family. Rather than displaying emotions and hostility in court, especially in front of your children and members of your community, you are able to resolve very personal conflicts in a private and friendlier environment.